| Blog Post: Like A Broken Band |

I don’t know if there is anyone out there reading this. But if there is, I’d like some advice. My friends know who this blog post is about, so I feel if I ask them for advice, then they will be slightly biased. It’s good to get advise from people who don’t know the situation or the person.

So my friend Rachel (not her real name, just my made up Internet name for her) and I have been friends for about 5 years now. When we first became friends, we were super close, we got on so well and pretty much did everything together.
After about a year of the friendship, we went to different colleges and I just noticed she started bothering less and less. It was always me to ask if she wanted to do something and surprise surprise, she was always busy.
She’s also the type of girl who whenever she gets a boyfriend, she doesn’t bother with any of her friends.

So this cycle has been happening for her past 3-4 years and every time I confront her about it, she gets very defensive, has an attitude and try’s to turn the blame around on me.
I feel the friendship has constantly been like an elastic/rubber band. We get stretched and pulled apart, yet we always come back to each other in time. Now though, I feel like that band has snapped, the band has been broken. I don’t feel there is even a friendship anymore.
I have tried so hard over the years. I’ve always mentioned it to her and like I have said, she gets very defensive. I’ve always appreciated the friendship and enjoyed spending the time with Rachel, however, I have just given up with her. There is only so much I can try.
Whenever we do speak or see each other, she refers to me as her ‘Bestfriend’. In my opinion, ‘best friends’ actually see and speak to each other, not go 4 months without talking for no real reason.
Now that I have given up, there is zero contact. It’s always been me to maintain that contact, but now there is nothing.
I don’t really know what to do about it, I don’t know whether to just be cordial and polite whenever I see/speak to her, mention something to her about it or just leave it and see what happens.
I never intended for this blog to be something where I write stuff like this, but I am also going to use it as a space to share my thoughts as well.
Sorry for the slightly less creative post, but I hope to get some advice from you and please feel free to share any of your friendship problems with me, I’d love to help!

Hope you all had a great Christmas!

Harrison x

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2 Comments

  1. 26/12/2014 / 11:48 am

    Hey. This popped up in my reader and I recognised this relationship as being similar to ones I’ve had over the years. Without knowing you or Rachel, it’s hard to advise but I suppose my first instinct is to tell you not to worry so much about it. Friendships come and go and friends (even best friends) can come in and out of your life. Perhaps your expectations of what being a best friend means are not aligned – I have friends I consider best friends who I don’t speak to for long periods. Also, maybe try seeing the friendship through her eyes – you’ve each gone separate ways to different colleges but every time she sees you you talk about how you feel she’s failing you as a friend… Maybe you’re adding pressure to a friendship that will naturally strain due to distance and new life experiences. I’m no expert on these things but my advice would be to let go a little, enjoy the time you do spend together and don’t be too caught up in what you think a friend should or could be like. I’d leave her a while and when she’s got more time and realises she is missing you, she’ll get in touch. But take it easy. Also know that some friendships end, people go their separate ways and fall out of contact. That is normal too and a natural part of life. Sometimes it’s sad but it doesn’t stop you remembering the good times you shared.

    Don’t know if that helps! Try not to worry about it too much over Christmas. Have a great holiday and New Year.

    • 26/12/2014 / 11:55 am

      Thanks for the comment. Yeah i guess so, I’ll just have to see how things go. Like you said, lives seperate and people move on. Again, thanks for your advice, it’s good to get an outsiders opinion. You have a great New Year as well!

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